Diane’s Heart – Installment 5

Lord, I can’t do this, I can’t let him close again, and I can’t take the pain if he walks again. I made it home fell into a shower and then into bed for a fretful night. All night I remember his touch as if it was just yesterday instead of eight years ago. I realized by 4 am, sleep wasn’t happening. So I got up, dress and went into work by 5 am. I don’t remember the last time I actually was in this early.  I went by Steele office and pick up the cases he was working with, to schedule the interviews along with the other 25 I had waiting.  By the time most people showed up at 8 am I had all interview scheduled work out for all the prospective participants, evaluation type formally prepared for 3 three therapists, and working closing packages for the 1st quarter participants.

By noon I was so zoned that it took a good few minute before I realized someone was sitting in my office watching me with a concerned expression on his face. Oh, Renee, what’s up? That what I want to know, security informed me that you have been here since about 5 am.  I couldn’t sleep and restless, so I decided to use my energy productively. But you didn’t leave last night till almost 8. Renee, I’m ok. No, you aren’t and if truth be told you haven’t been for a couple of weeks, what gives. It’s nothing papa bear, really I’m ok.  In fact, I truly need to get everything caught up because I am putting in for some days off shortly, and going to go see my parents for a bit. Ok, they are just 3 hours away, let’s try this again.  Try what again, I am going to go see my parents and friends. I don’t get to do much on weekend visits you know my mom plans just about everything second I am with her and she’s complaining a lot about what needs to be done.  When do you want off? Two weeks starting next week Friday. You want me to believe you are going to last a full 14 days with your mom, do I look like Liz is not my child.  No, you look very much like Liz for her not to be your child. Nor did I say I was staying the entire time with my parents.  I know I am going to need a day or so to regroup after I return that’s factored in. Along with a day or two to clean my place.

Is that’s all that going on? Yes, why are you asking? Because it seems like I am doing most of the training and guidance for your co-director and this is your department. It’s ours and I thought you handled that since he reports to you and not me. Plus until yesterday I was cleaning up last month’s reports, alone. Put it in writing and I’ll approve it, but factor this in you at my place for dinner on the weekend before you return. Ok, but that didn’t need to be a condition.

Getting the promotion has its perks, no one just barges in anymore. Come in. Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t realize you were having a meeting, I’ll come back. No Steele, come on in I was just leaving, is everything ok. I’m just looking for some files that’s all. Oh, I grab them this morning and put together an interview schedule. I see.  It is easier for me to explain the process with the finish work then in the process that way I ensure I haven’t missed a step myself.  Here we can go over it now if you like. That would be ok, it’s only 1:15 in the afternoon when did you have time to do them along with everything you sent me today already, you left before me. This morning. What time did you get here? You know the verbiage early bird gets the worm, well let’s just say I caught all the worms.  I’m telling you all work and no play leads to an early burnout.  Well actually, on that topic, I am taking some time off after next week. I’ve scheduled the interviews mainly after my return for those that we would need to travel to. That sound good, so we start interviewing while you here and resume after we get back, OK. No, we start while I am here. You continue while I am away and the ones that require travel we do when I return. You trust me to interview without you? Why not, didn’t you interview families for your last agency? Not to the extent that required here. Ok, so we will do the first few together, it the same thing, every question is laid out before you, it shouldn’t be an issue. If you say.

This was the longest 2 weeks ever; Renee was on the road so bring Steele up to speed was handed over to me. Working together again, was easy, keeping my emotions from showing was another story. We also realized that we needed an additional person on our team. The secretary/assistant we had couldn’t possibly keep up with our schedules, the therapist and the new applicant process, so we went to go speak to Thorn. Thorn was in one of his zones which make getting him to focus on anything else is almost impossible, most times. His secretary warned me he’s been cranky all morning and was heading out to lunch. So I took a deep breath as we walked into the office, took one look at him and figure Liz was behind his frustration.

Dave, can we get your attention regarding a Beautiful matter or do I need to pull out my notepad and direct you to my couch? I’m not in the mood Thorne. But since you are here, I need your approval to hire a second assistant for our department. Go ahead! Ok. As Steele and I left, I told Steele I’ll catch up with him in a few and went back to the lion den. What gives Thorn? Nothing. So why are you in a grizzly mood? Nothing. What did she do now? Nothing! She did absolutely nothing! She acted as if she didn’t even know me. When? Last night at the hospital function, she ignored me as if I was invisible. Did she have a date? I don’t know, but Stacey showed up and that was it. Oh, I see. We weren’t together and except that one kiss she took, I never laid hands on her, why won’t she believe me. You have to admit Stacey claws are long, Liz doesn’t like public displays.

What’s this I hear you’re taking off two weeks starting Friday? What gives, I haven’t even threatened you this time and Renee he was just as shocked. I just want to go see some friends, take care of some of my mom’s forever to do list and think about what I really want from my life.  At 28 years old you’re having an early midlife crisis now. Hahaha, no it just that for the last eight years, I’ve lived in a cave and now I am questioning it. Could this reflection have something to do with your new co-director? Why would you asked that you know I’ve never been one to swoon over a man.  Yes, but since he mentioned he hasn’t seen you in eight years, it easy to put two and two together. When did he tell you that? Don’t think he meant to, wouldn’t elaborate on the statement but it was at the meeting where your blood drained straight out of our face once he walked in. Oh, I see.

So what happened 8 years ago? Nothing and everything, I just need time to find me again. Haven’t I’ve been telling you that, like forever You are too young to be an old maid. I’m no place near an old maid! It just, I don’t know and that’s what I need to find out. Running away isn’t going to give you any answers if you’re running from him. I’m not running from him; I am running to myself. You can phrase it whatever way you want; you are running away from current reality. When did you put on your psychology cap, we were talking about you, not me. My situation is a lost cause she thinks that I am the worse person on earth. As for you, what the story with you and Steele? That my dear Thorn isn’t a discussion I choose to discuss and on that note I got work to do.


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