Diane’s Heart – Installment 7

Diane you’re taking this unprecedented vacation because of me. Don’t lie you couldn’t get away with a lie if your life depended on it. I will admit you have something to do with it, but I need to rethink and regroup. The part you played in it is reminding me that I am/was a person beyond Beautiful Village. And it’s not unprecedented as Renee and Thorn is putting it. It just longer than normal. Than answer this, how did you allow yourself to forget you are a person beyond the Village? Even before we met you were involved in various activities, what happened? I still I’m involved in church activities, that hasn’t changed and as for school programs, I graduated.

What’s your story, in the last month or so, I haven’t heard or seen where you are all that active.  Ok you moved, but you are only an hour or two from where your old foundation was based, I don’t hear where you all that active at. Why are you still single or have I missed spoken? No you haven’t missed spoke. I just never found a person to replace the one who stole my heart. So I openly admit my work has become my life. That’s a shame, you always had some much to give, and didn’t you want your own family, your own children that at the end of the day you can go home and hold in your arms. Yea I do, but only with that special person, that person who looks at me and call me on my mess or comfort me when my day been soured with sickness or death. Someone who understand my passion and share that passion with me. Someone who sees life as a wonder and though they understand that negativity is part of life, she continues to look at life as an open book to continue read every minute and enjoyed at every possible turn. That someone I met who showed me all those qualities and then some and I was stupid enough to walk away from. That someone who has given me more sleepless nights this past month than any one has ever been able to do.

Charles don’t. I’m not that same naïve 20-year-old girl, the glass menagerie has long been broken. Really, so why are you at Beautiful, we’ve both grown, matured, and lived our lives. So neither of us is the same person we were 8 years ago.  We had 8 years to grow, to discover ourselves and become who we were meant to be. But neither of us have found that person who replace what we harmed eight years ago.  Is that a fair assessment?

You destroyed me from ever finding someone. Every person I went out with was compared to you, that’s why  it was better just to bury myself in my school work and later my job. You hurt me when you just left, never saying goodbye, never contacting me, never another word.  For the last 8 years I used you as an excuse to become a recluse and now your back but I’m still in pain.

Di, I’m sorry, I was a fool and never meant to hurt you. If I could go back, I would do things totally different I wouldn’t walk away or ever let there be room for someone else. But if you give me a chanice now, I will spend the rest of my days making it up to you. I need to get on the road, take me back to my car please. Di at least give me a chance, please? I don’t know, I need to think, I need to process this and I can’t do it here with you.

The drive back to my car was in silent.  I just had too many thought processing through my head. When we got to the garage, he pulled up in front on my car and met me at the driver’s door. Before I could open the door or say goodnight he kissed me. A kiss that reminded me of everything we once shared and full of the all the promises he made tonight. A kiss that curled my toes and weakened my resolve and ability to stand. Then it was over, he opens the door, guided me into car, kissed me once again and left.  I’m not sure how long I set there, I’m not even sure when he pulled off. By the time I started my engine he was gone. I drove home set my arm so that I could be on the road by 4am and fell into bed. However, my treacherous mind and body replayed that kiss over and over expanding the reality into area I’ve only dreamed of.

By the time my alarm went off I was truly bothered, took a scalding hot shower to bring my body under control and set out. When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, it was nearly nine o’clock.

I stop by the retreat to unload my car, what I didn’t tell my parent was that I wasn’t staying most night at the house.  I designed the evenings to be mine and mine alone. I realize that they must have slept in, I decided to cook them breakfast. Timed everything to be ready at the same time, from the coffee maker to the toast. As I was placing the items on a tray to take up to their room, Dad encircled me into his arms and kissed the back of my head. I immediately turn into his arms and hug him tight, once a daddy’s girl always a daddy’s girl. He told me mom was in the bathroom and would be down shortly, then asked me what was wrong.  Before I could say anything mom arms encircled us and said breakfast, I pray includes your famous egg benedict omelet.  I told them I wanted to serve them in bed, but my timing was off, and yes I made them an omelet.

Good mom said let eat and you can tells us why your eyes have such dark circles. As dad pushed mom chair in for her, I told them that I just been working long hours lately to make sure there wasn’t a mess when I return. Mom said that Aunty Betty told her my promotion came with a co-director. It did but he’s only been there three month and still settling in.

By the way while talking with Betty did she tell you about the surprise birthday party for James? Yes, she did and we told her we wouldn’t miss it for the world. You know James is going to kill you all when he finds out, he told me about the fishing expedition. How were we supposed to know he’ll get seasick, you always took us out dad. I just thought all dads has the same iron cast stomach. Anyway it will be great, everything coming together just fine. Well we were looking at hotels already. Why mom, you can stay at my place. If I recall you have a one bedroom, and we are planning to stay for a bit. It’s  been too long since the four of us spent some time together. So we decided that after the party we are all going to stay at the hotel for a couple of day and force James to take a couple of days off. I see, so you can stay with me until then, it settled. No we are staying at the hotel with the pool, we expect dinner though at least one night and Renee nor Betty anyplace near the kitchen. I’ll let Liz know. Pumpkin, where are your bags, let me take them upstairs for you. The night that I am staying over I just might let you dad, but the next couple of days are yours but the evenings are mine.


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